It is the next day in the 30 days of D/s blog posts and the topic is on submission.
When I meditated on this topic the first thing that came to mind is a submissive is someone who chooses to submit to the will of a Dominant. They put their trust in them when they offer their gift of submission.
I also believe a submissive should be responsible in conveying their limits and desires (Dominants can not actually read minds no matter if we like to think we can or not).
This means within negotiation of a scene and during a scene. If something is too much, they need to be able to say so.
I’ve observed a misconception of submission within the online and porn community that portrays the submissive as weaker than the Dominant in some way.
While this can work okay for roleplay or fantasy it has no place in real world application of BDSM.
Some of the most badass people I know are submissives and slaves. Some of the wildest ideas for scenes are proposed to me by particularly masochistic subs and I’m also delighted by this !
When doing a scene in real time a submissive has responsibilities just as the Dominant does.
Now it should be said that every Dominant may not have this view and will have varying expectations of their submissives so I can only speak on my opinions and experience.
Overall, I believe the submissive is still sharing in a relationship and partnership with me and needs to assert their voice but also understands if I put my foot down.
If we have an established rapport they know I would never do so unless it was for their own good.
When I teach beginner focused classes like impact 101 or how to negotiate, I always speak directly to the submissives in the room to make sure they know they are not a doormat. That during negotiations they need to be assertive and lay out their desires and limits. This became really important to me to convey when I met people who believed when they were new that they were not allowed to say, “no”.
Submission is not letting people walk all over you.
It is a choice and something to be cherished by your Dominant.
It takes a strong person to be vulnerable and open. I grow as a person when I play with submissives who are open with me. It enriches the dynamic when you tell us your ideas and fantasies or when you explain what you liked and didn’t like after a scene.
If you are a Dominant reading this then I encourage you to make a point of making sure your submissive knows that you value this vulnerability.
Understanding the strength and willingness that submission takes can go a very long way in nurturing a successful D/s dynamic.